I will admit this. I am a skeptic. I never was before, but when you find yourself constantly on the receiving end of betrayal and the butt of many jokes from trusting the wrong people. The ability to trust what anyone feels like a damn game of Tetris. If it doesn’t fit, I am out of there! Well, following up to my piece on men being trash. I thought I met a guy I liked which would be the fastest and most ironic meet cute ever!I thought it was possible love at a time when I had given up.
See, he seemed like a nice guy. Whom I had hours long conversations about relationships, love, friendships, thoughts on religion and god. We seemed to have a lot in common!. We met up for one coffee date and was poised to meet for our second, then he stood me up. No text, no phone call, no answering of phone, nada, zilch! Just the protoplasm left over from ghosting a bitch. I was both shocked and hurt because an hour before our so-called coffee date he professed to liking me and wanting to really take things slow because he started relationships before even getting to know his exes,so he claimed to really want to get to know me. Having rushed into a few relationships I had agreed. Although there are MANY FAILED attempts at taking it slow, I came into this smarter, and stronger, and more grown up. I was determined to take my time, to not feel the need to immerse him into my life. To make time for him,but not slow down my life, my goals, dreams, or routine for him.
This guy and I never held hands, kissed, or had the opportunity to evolve into dating. We never moved to talks of a relationship. Granted we had only knew each other over a week, but here’s what I’ve learned.
- I will continue to put time into myself– I can’t say that our discussions led me to feel I lost a great love. They didn’t and know that I am more confident that I have ever been in my entire life, but there is still a lot of work I need to do on myself. I’m glad I felt flickers of trust even though it was fleeting, I’m glad I felt flickers of hope even though it was fleeting and I’m glad I put myself out there even if it didn’t yield me what I thought I wanted.
- Control– I’m not mad about being ghosted.Slightly hurt, but not mad. I will be over this in a week or so, but I accept what happened to me was out of my control. I can’t make a guy show up for a date, answer his phone, answer a text, or care. I can control how I react (not take it too personal) how I don’t react, or how long I will allow this to sit under my skin. I accept that I did my part in communicating and acknowledge this was out of my control.
- Never lose hope- I still believe one day I will meet someone who understands and loves me unconditionally. Someone who valued my time and respected me someone who wants to create space for me. Love isn’t something to be rushed. Lust cannot sustain a relatioship, and he was just another example of a man I do not want in my life. Someone who did not value or respect my time. He will come when I’m not thinking of it.
- When people show themselves to you believe them- This guy had already admitted to being a bad communicator and although I accepted that. I accepted the fact that he neither answered his phone or my texts, but I could not accept him randomly texting me and ignoring my responses. I felt like I was chasing him when I don’t have the time or brain cells to do so.
- Let it go Let it flow- Again, it hurt my feelings to be left in a coffee shop with no explanation. Things like this happen for a reason even if it doesn’t seem to obvious or apparent. Holding on to the hurt is blocking me from all the possibilities and what ifs that could happen in my future. As well as make me bitter or cynical. So, breathe in breathe out, cry if you need to, but don’t make this experience keep you from putting yourself out there!
- His rejection is not a reflection of my character- I’m still awesome!! I know that I’m a nice person, I know I’m a reliable person, I know that I have appealing qualities. His rejection doesn’t suddenly negate these things about myself. This does not make me worthless because he does not want me.
- I’m finally a grown up- If this would’ve happened a few years ago. I would have definitely blamed my looks. I somehow wasn’t pretty enough for him. Hell if this happened last year I would’ve done so, but I’m not falling apart because of this! I am not really sad and I am not broken, I’m put together the same way with the same pieces. I am finally a grown up.