The Problem Isn’t I’m too Straight Forward. The problem Is I Pick The Wrong Men.

man wearing suit jacket sitting on chair in front of woman wearing eyeglasses
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I’m straightforward not to the point that I reduce people to tears. I just don’t dance around bullshit. I tell guys I like them, I even ask them for their numbers, and sometimes I even pay on the first date. I am who I am. I am also great at picking the wrong men!

I had been moping around for weeks wondering “what is wrong with me?”  I watched romance movies, I cried twice, I ate ice cream and pizza, and wrote in my journal obsessively over this topic. “Look, you have a lot going on. You take care of you and I’ll stop chasing emotionally unavailable men!” that was the last thing I said to dude after I made it very clear that I was going to stop reaching out to him after he made no effort to reach out to me. “OK” was his last words to me and despite feeling a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I began consulting Dr. Google for the definition of emotionally unavailable. He wasn’t mean, but he never called, never texted,and even asked me for my email but did not send a single message. When we were together grabbing coffee our conversations felt like minutes with neither of us caring to look at the clock.

So did I make that comment in haste or was there some truth to it?

How To Tell He’s Emotionally Unavailable:

  1. He doesn’t reach out to you
  2. He doesn’t consider your feelings
  3. He doesn’t answer his phone when you call or text you back 
  4. He makes excuses for not getting back to you (life is crazy, I’m working a lot, Lassie is stuck in a well,etc)
  5. There is no physical contact. No PDA, No hand holding, not even a hug and you find yourself wondering what are we?
  6. They have unusual circumstances as reasons for their last breakup. 
  7. They’re terrible at following through with plans
  8. They’re emotionally distant and damn near deaf when you express your concerns for the conflict they’ve created
  9. They tip toe on your emotions,one minute they want something serious next minute they don’t
  10. They make themselves look really good in hopes of enticing you, but don’t live up to the hype.
  11. They’re incredibly secretive about their lives. You hear about his children, his mother, and friends,but you wonder.. Am I dating a Sybil type mf? Are these people just characters in his head because when I’ve come over there are no pictures, no toys, and no phone call from mom in sight.

Now that I know the problem. I wonder if I can do better. Can I date someone that genuinely likes me as much as I like them? To be aware is the precursor to the first step which is admitting I have a problem.

Hi, my name is Jasmine and I always find myself attracted to emotionally unavailable men. And I deserve a man who will appreciate me,I deserve intimacy,I deserve companionship, I deserve happiness, but I don’t deserve is some bullshit. I admit I have a problem.

What is it about this particular type do I find alluring? I don’t enjoy being treated like shit -and what the hell is my type anyway? and How can I prevent myself from making the same mistakes? stay tuned…

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