So, I’m that girl who makes friends almost everywhere I go. I even have bus drivers I’m cool with! “Hey Jas! How are you?!” is usually what I get from some bus drivers, cab drivers, the shoe shiner guy, some people..
Anyway, after getting our first snow. Traffic had significantly slowed down. My bus was late, and my ride home was over two hours! When I saw my bus driver that I see every Friday, whom I laugh with about work, and relationships.
He had told me he was going to give me advice on men and I was curious to what new fresh take he would have on relationships. Turns out his advice took a bad turn when he said “Our sole purpose is to procreate! We get married to build a nation!”
“So, you’re telling me that the sole purpose of people getting married is because of having children, but what about married people who choose not to have kids? does that make their relationship less valid because they did not procreate?”
he then said “Well, they can adopt. There are other options out there for married people who don’t have kids!”
“But what if they don’t want kids? what if they’re perfectly fine with just being with each other and are OK with not having children?”
He then ignored my question and asked me “What are women’s breast for?”
I replied “for milk”
“So, you telling me that you’re not designed to procreate?”
“well, I can’t have kids. So, for you to tell me this kind of makes me look at you like your crazy because is my worth as a woman only contingent upon who wants me and whether or not I can reproduce and should I be alone because I can’t have children?”
I forgot to add the part where he mentioned that people who can’t have children should be left for people who could. I was a bit taken aback because it made me wonder if this is how men really feel?
“But you just said that people who can’t have kids should die alone..”
We had many discussions, but this one stuck out the most to me because I’ve heard some of the funniest shit from men lately. This guy reference Yin and Yang but doesn’t really know anything about it and when I reply with the contradiction of this.. he then tells me my European education is telling me lies. Yin and Yang is Chinese and Taoist, but ok.. He then talks about the gay agenda..I argue with him and disagree with evidence that challenges his thought process and he gets defensive and angry. We argued about this to the point that we made a great source of entertainment for the bus riders. He explained the reason our divorce rate is so high is because we don’t have arranged marriages which I had to break down more information about. Basically any bogus claims he made I debunked with legitimate information which he did not accept because I was paying for the white mans education.
over the past few years I’ve encountered this a lot! black men shaming black women for not wanting to have kids or the inability to have them. I’ve had reproductive issues for the past few years and possibly much longer than I realize which explains the issues I have now, but I have had this same argument with a man I once liked. A man who has five children and I think four baby mamas. A man who told me I can exhaust my financial resources with IVF or Surrogacy.
Considering that I don’t have the means for either I was okay with not ever biologically having children. He then went on to say that I should adopt. He was so adamant about me having kids that you could’ve sworn he wanted to try to impregnate me himself out of sheer arrogance and assurance that I COULD HAVE KIDS! And I was useful…afterall….
If I couldn’t what could that mean?what did it meant I was? He had already had kids..quite a few of them! So wouldn’t that be enough?
It’s always funny when I hear this from men. Men who have a ton of kids, ton of baby mamas who they refuse to make their wives while preaching to me the importance of marriage, traditional family structure, gender roles, and their so-called hatred of gay people. Yet, they were evidently not living the life they were preaching ! They weren’t married to the women they had kids with and they did not share the same home or even zip code! And the moment you call them out on this you’re somehow met with a deflection so strong you feel like you’re talking to an idiot fox new correspondent.
I’ve done the deep searching in questioning my worth as a woman and I’ve already determined I’m worth more than what I’m being told.